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Literature Text
Waking up every day at noon
Leisurely lunch followed by an afternoon nap
Watching TV and browsing the Web all night long
Such is a life without consequence
Twenty-seven years old
Yet to move out of parents' house
No motivation to find a steady job
Such is a life without consequence
Drifting from one boyfriend to another
Having babies like dogs do
Not paying a penny to feed or clothe them
Such is a life without consequence
Going out to party with friends
Leaving the parents to watch the kids
Driving drunk and crashing into a tree
No such thing as a life without consequence
Leisurely lunch followed by an afternoon nap
Watching TV and browsing the Web all night long
Such is a life without consequence
Twenty-seven years old
Yet to move out of parents' house
No motivation to find a steady job
Such is a life without consequence
Drifting from one boyfriend to another
Having babies like dogs do
Not paying a penny to feed or clothe them
Such is a life without consequence
Going out to party with friends
Leaving the parents to watch the kids
Driving drunk and crashing into a tree
No such thing as a life without consequence
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Haven't submitted any poems to DA in a while, so I guess I'm overdue.
I came up with the idea for this poem yesterday, but didn't get around to writing it down until today. As with most of my poems, I ended every stanza with a common line to tie all of them together...except the last one, and I bet you can figure out why.
Several things gave me the idea to write this poem, viz. an acquaintance of mine. For her sake, I didn't mention anyone's name in the poem, nor will I name it here. I didn't mean this poem to be a personal potshot at her, and if she ever reads it, I hope she doesn't take it that way.
members:
Do you think four stanzas with four lines in each stanza was enough text to effectively communicate the persona of the woman and, by extension, my feelings about this kind of lifestyle?
I came up with the idea for this poem yesterday, but didn't get around to writing it down until today. As with most of my poems, I ended every stanza with a common line to tie all of them together...except the last one, and I bet you can figure out why.
Several things gave me the idea to write this poem, viz. an acquaintance of mine. For her sake, I didn't mention anyone's name in the poem, nor will I name it here. I didn't mean this poem to be a personal potshot at her, and if she ever reads it, I hope she doesn't take it that way.
members:Do you think four stanzas with four lines in each stanza was enough text to effectively communicate the persona of the woman and, by extension, my feelings about this kind of lifestyle?
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Comments19
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Hmm... I can appreciate the message you're trying to send, but I think there are better ways to present it.
I mean, the implication presented is that if you live as a layabout your whole life, it will come back to hurt you. That's not true. Karma is noticed selectively, it's easier to pick out someone who crashes and burns than one who lives quietly, slothfully and never amounts to anything.
This is not to say that a lifestyle "without consequence" doesn't hurt. A lousy life might lead someone to depression, it's frequently not easy to know you're a burden to others. Also, being at home all the time with no real outlets can distance a person from friends and family. It's an emotional burden, and really it only proves that it's easier to get a job than to do nothing ever. Everything comes at a price, but if you don't do that much, surely the price is internal.
Lastly, one should be careful with blanket statements like these. It's easy to resort to stereotypes rather than hitting the emotional core of the problem. It might be worth revisiting this poem with what's going on in the subject's mind.
Keep on truckin'.
I mean, the implication presented is that if you live as a layabout your whole life, it will come back to hurt you. That's not true. Karma is noticed selectively, it's easier to pick out someone who crashes and burns than one who lives quietly, slothfully and never amounts to anything.
This is not to say that a lifestyle "without consequence" doesn't hurt. A lousy life might lead someone to depression, it's frequently not easy to know you're a burden to others. Also, being at home all the time with no real outlets can distance a person from friends and family. It's an emotional burden, and really it only proves that it's easier to get a job than to do nothing ever. Everything comes at a price, but if you don't do that much, surely the price is internal.
Lastly, one should be careful with blanket statements like these. It's easy to resort to stereotypes rather than hitting the emotional core of the problem. It might be worth revisiting this poem with what's going on in the subject's mind.
Keep on truckin'.